Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
After tacos, we're chasing women.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
