just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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