you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
