I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
