brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
