Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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