DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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