I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
