White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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