I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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