Whod you bang
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
