Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
