Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
