I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
