Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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