Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
