She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
