Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
