Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
