Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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