Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
