had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
