ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
