it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
