I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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