i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
