You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
