I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
