I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
