Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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