apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
