Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
