im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
