Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
