where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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