Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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