Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
