Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
