i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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