he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it's like iHOP with fire
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
that is very illegal...i love you.
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