The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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