Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
