i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
