Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
