I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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