Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
