Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
