Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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