if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
