I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
