Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
